I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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