can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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