I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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