You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
