my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
4 words: hood of his car
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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