You smell like stripper and shame
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize