Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had to cum in my sink.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
