strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
