You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
areolas are like halos for boobs.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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