nut hugger
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize