he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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