things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
