Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
