omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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