Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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