Soap is not a condiment
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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