Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
