I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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