Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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