Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
