There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
