Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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