I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
