Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm gonna fight the coyote
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
