My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
