Can i not drive my cunt home
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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