Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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