Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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