i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
