he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize