i was born a porn star she said
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
