three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
