if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
