You can't special order awesome
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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