How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
