uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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