How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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