Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
