Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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