Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
