Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
