I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize