shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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