Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
