I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize