What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
