Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
