Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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