your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
