A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
