but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
