The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
