I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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