We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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