did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
