i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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