You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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