My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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