He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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