Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
