I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We are all done wearing pants today
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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