Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
