my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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