Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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